I have SOOO many secrets….more then I could count on one hand…There are things that I don’t even want to tell my best friends…actually there are alot of things that I don’t want to tell them…And if I can’t tell them who can I tell right? I can’t tell my family thats for sure. I used to go to church and talk to God about it since he knows about all this anyways but I didn’t want my mom to know so I can’t go now that it’s summer. So I don’t know what to do…I WANT somebody in my life to KNOW me…but I’m too scared on how they would react if I told them everything…I don’t want them to distance themselves because they can’t handle what I have to say…and I also don’t want them getting mad because I”ve been keeping these secrets from them..I haven’t been on this site in FOREVER and the only reason I”m on now is because I have no idea what to do about this…I want to tell one of my best friends because she’s done some of the things that I need to tell her…Like the cutting and she’s very emotional like I am…but SINCE she’s so emotional she would be the one that would get mad at me! I feel so alone and people have no idea! I feel like I’m always upset about something…even when there’s nothing to be upset about…I kind of think I might be in a depression…Because even when I’m laughing and talking like nothing wrong…there’s something there that makes me feel sad. I can’t tell anybody this either because I don’t want people saying “Oh you need to go see somebody about this or anything.” That’s the LAST thing I need. So instead I just keep my little “oh im so happy” face on and act like nothings wrong…I think this might be my downfall one day…I think that maybe one day I’ll need to talk to somebody so bad but I won’t and then something bad will happen…Idk anymore…Life is just blowing up in my face…It feels like everything is closing in on me…I just hope that I”ll be able to get out of this mess and be able to be REALLY happy and not just fake it….
Tags: confused, depressed, family, friends, friendship, life, love, personal, sad, upset
